Fix You
by BeckaBear94
Summary: This is a post-season 5 finale thing examining the events following Watershed and the questions everybody wants answers to. Will Caskett fall apart, or will they get their happily ever after? Will she say yes or no? What is Beckett's reaction to the question? This is my perspective on the answers to these questions and the ensuing events.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Hey ladies and gents, what's up? Is the summer hiatus driving you crazy, yet, too? **

**Anyway, since I no longer have new episodes to keep my Castle fix in line, this thing sort of happened. It's my take of the post-finale events and it picks up where Watershed leaves off.**

**I think that's about all you really need to know, so enjoy and happy Monday (that really doesn't mean the same anymore since there's no Castle tonight, but have a good day anyway).**

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Staring.

Silence.

_Say something_, she thought. Screamed, really. Her insides screamed at her to say something, anything. Yes? No? Hell she already had enough decision making issues today, and now this? She loves this man, yes. She loves him a little too much, perhaps, as he was the only reason she hesitated on taking the job in D.C. But _marriage? _Marriage was messy. Marriage got people hurt – she'd seen it too many times in her line of work to believe otherwise – she'd watched her own father fall apart over it.

She wasn't sure how long she sat there on that damned swing trying to process the words still echoing in her brain. Beckett watched the loving, hopeful, and somewhat determined look on Castle's face fall into a disappointed one, and then a heartbroken one, and then he cleared his throat, stood up, and started to leave.

Oh, God, he was leaving? No, he couldn't leave, not yet, she didn't answer yet, she was supposed to answer first. Ugh, why was she always so good at screwing everything up?

"No!" she cried after Castle in an attempt to stop his retreat, but as soon as the words tumbled out of her mouth, she realized the fault in saying those words at a time like this. But, it was already too late. Castle turned back to look at her and the heartbreak on his face convinced Beckett that looks really could kill, because that hurt. That hurt like almost freezing to death or almost becoming a tiger's dinner, or even being shot in the chest.

"I didn't… I mean… not 'no,' but just 'no' as in 'don't leave.' Sorry."

Beckett looked down at her feet, embarrassed, frustrated, upset… she softly kicked into the ground and the swing rocked back and forth just barely. The subtle movement comforted her just enough to find the courage to look up at her partner. He had moved back towards the swings and was now standing right in front of her, leaning down to almost eye lever. It felt close, a proximity she usually enjoyed, but now it felt too close – _smothering _even – as she looked him in the eyes, though, she noticed the light had returned to his eyes and she imagined that maybe her inability to communicate well hadn't ruined everything… yet.

"So… uh is that a yes?"

Beckett, again, cast into the depth of her own thoughts and neglecting the actual need to say something took in the careful, yet optimistic, expression on Castle's face.

In this moment, Katherine Beckett knew two things: 1. she couldn't say no because she couldn't bear to see Castle's heart break again and 2. she couldn't say yes because the idea flat out terrified her more than any murderer, serial killer, or terrorist ever could. Honestly, it took her four years just to admit she liked the man as more than a partner!

"Please, Kate. Just say something. Anything."

"Anything," Beckett replied instantly, and she forced herself to smile a bit, trying to lighten the situation with some humor, however stupid that humor might be.

Castle groaned, "Kate…" Okay, so apparently that wasn't going to cut it today.

"I need to think, Rick. I need to process. I can't make all these life decisions at once! I can't! That's not who I am!" Beckett felt the dam breaking, the weight of all the decisions in her near future, of all the life changing events, just pushed through that part of her determined not to express heavy emotion outwardly. Something inside her snapped and everything became too much to handle, and a few stray tears escaped.

"Kate… please, I just I need to be with you. I can't let you move to a different city without me. I need you. My life without you is easy women and parties and getting drunk for no reason. You changed me, you make me better Kate – a better boyfriend, a better father, hell a straight up better person! What am I supposed to do when you're two hundred twenty-nine miles away? I want you with me forever Kate – need you with me. Let me be your husband, Kate. Don't you see, this fixes everything! We can be together and you can take that job and everything will be okay again!"

A fix. That's what this was to him? A fix? Marriage wasn't supposed to be a fix for relationship problems. Beckett always thought that in the event that she did decide to get married one day it would be because she knew beyond any doubt that she couldn't bear to live apart from that person. She didn't know that she could live without Castle, but she didn't know that she couldn't either. But, she did know that she couldn't marry him for the sake of ending an argument.

"Is that what you think Rick, that a piece of paper and a couple of words will fix everything?! Marriage is supposed to be more than that Castle! More than _this_. If that's all this is… then… no," the words breaking not only his heart, but hers, and a sob escaped, "no, I can't marry you just so we don't have to fight about this anymore."

She was full out crying now, here, in the park for the world to see, and damn it, this wasn't _her_. Kate Beckett didn't cry. Without bothering to look back at Castle, afraid to look at his face, afraid of what he might say to her, she stood from the swing and started to run.

God, did she run. Abandoning her squad car at the park, she kept running. She didn't really think about where or why or who saw her emotionally distressed running, she just ran.

Later, well after dark and back in her own apartment, Kate finally allowed herself to think.

She looked around her apartment and realized how foreign it felt to be here, after all, she'd barely spent any time here over the past couple months. The couch wasn't soft enough and she couldn't find a position that felt comfortable anymore, since she no longer had Rick's chest to lean into anymore. And there in the dark, as she allowed the events of the day to wash over her, she entertained one question: _how the hell did she manage to screw everything up so badly?_

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**A/N Cool beans, guys. Alright, let me know what you think. You know, if you want.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Hey, so many of you seem concerned that I'm victimizing Beckett here, so I just wanted to address that for you all: **

**Beckett doesn't like emotional stuff and when she's forced into an unexpected emotional situation, she either pushes away or runs (it just to happens I chose some pushing and a literal running). In addition, Beckett's actually horrible at reacting to personal matters and it always takes her a while to get it right.**

**But anyway, point is that I believe that everything is going to have to get worse before it gets better and that these two ****_do _****act very immature around big relationship problems (i.e. pretending not to remember the "I love you"). Don't worry about anything, guys, I have a plan MUAHAHAHA**

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After Beckett ran away from him, Castle just kind of stood there for a while trying to understand what happened. He had poured his heart out to her, told her he needed her and never wanted to leave her. He told her _why _he needed her. But she was scared and she jumped on the only stupid thing he let come out of his mouth and attacked the part about how this was also the perfect solution to her moving. He didn't mean it that way. It just _came out _honest, and he still loved her with all his heart. He still wanted to marry her more than he wanted anything in his life short of Alexis, and he still didn't even understand how all of this, all of _them_, fell to shreds so quickly.

He tried to talk about their relationship, which they never did, and maybe this was why. Realizing he still held Kate's ring in his hand, he let out a deep sigh and shoved it back into his pocket where it seemed to weigh more than couple ounces it must weigh, it clearly weighed pounds even, or at least that's what it felt like, and the cool metal burned into his thigh. He didn't want that ring anymore… a reminder of what could have existed… a reminder of a happily ever after he dared to imagine – one he now knew would never exist.

He didn't want to go back to his loft, there where too many memories of Kate Beckett lived, too many memories of them together and happy, too many beautiful, terrible, heartbreaking memories.

He couldn't go to the precinct because Ryan and Esposito would want to talk about what was wrong and Castle couldn't handle that yet. And when Castle didn't tell them, they would start guessing.

He could go to the Old Haunt, he could use a drink, but he didn't want to deal with people and there were plenty of memories of them there, too…

Screw it, he needed a drink, or drinks. And he needed to stop feeling like this.

He caught a cab to the Old Haunt, since driving seemed like a dangerous idea at the moment. He then waked straight to the liquor, grabbed the nearest bottle of whiskey that he could see, and headed into his office without so much as a polite nod to Joey, the new bartender, who, somewhat astounded, just watched the whole scene play out before him.

Once locked inside his office, which he rarely inhabited anyway, he opened the bottle and began to drink. Whatever he grabbed was no Glenlivet Scotch, but it burned and that's all he wanted for now. He wanted his throat to burn and his mind numb and he wanted to forget this horrible day.

Three hours later, Castle stumbled up the stairs back to the bar because he wanted ice. Ice was good. Cold. He needed cold because the ring still burned at his thigh. That damned ring was still in his pocket and not on her finger and what was he supposed to do except keep drinking?

"Mr. Castle, there you are, sir. Sir? Sir, I think you ought to sit down." Joey, a kid still in all honesty, walked Castle over to a barstool and helped him sit down on it, holding his arms up for a few seconds, as if to make sure Castle would stay upright in the chair.

"Joey, JOEY, hey man, when did you get here?! You know, Joey, you remind me of me when I was your age. Smart, young, good-looking –"

"Woah, Mr. Castle, as my boss I think hitting on me might be a little inappropriate, especially since you have a gorgeous girlfriend at home, right, sir?" Joey, while young, was gentlemanly and had a good sense of humor, so he said the whole statement with a joking tone and a smile that disgusted Castle right now, but Castle admired the kid, thus when Joey reminded him of Beckett, he couldn't find it in him to be upset with Joey and just answered truthfully.

"Well, son, I don't know about that anymore… we fought. And she's moving to D.C. And I proposed, to which she said no. I don't know what to do, I don't really know who I am without her anymore. What would you do Joey?"

"You really love her, don't you?" Joey didn't really need an answer to that, so he just kept on talking, "Because you know, they say that if you love someone, you should let them go. I'm not saying it won't hurt like hell, but maybe it'll work out for the best, sir. Once when I was twelve my dog ran away and he was gone for like a month and my parents told me over and over that Watson wouldn't come back, and just when I started to believe it, this girl, the prettiest girl I'd ever seen knocked on my door one day and she was _holding Watson_. She said she found him and her neighbor knew somebody who knew I was distraught over the loss of my dog. And that day it didn't matter that I spent a month in agony over a dog. That day, I gained Watson and Jessica Perkins."

Joey stopped talking and looked like he was back living better days of happiness and Jessica Perkins and his dog.

"So… you're saying that I should just let Beckett wander off to D.C. and hope she'll find her way back someday? No offense, kid, but that doesn't sound too appealing."

"No, Mr. Castle. Sir, you see, you missed the point. I worked really hard to get Watson back. That whole time I made posters, went door to door around the neighborhood asking if anybody saw him, made my poor mother drive me around to where I couldn't walk by myself to look for him. If I hadn't worked so hard to find him, the person who told my neighbor who told Jessica wouldn't know that Watson went missing. I sad that if you love somebody, you should let them go. I said it because Detective Beckett has free will and she's allowed to do what she wants. But that doesn't mean you have to be passive about it. If you want her the way I know you do, keep trying, sir. You're a good man, Mr. Castle, and you deserve happiness."

Castle thought for a good minute, and finally, when it looked as if he came to a conclusion, finally, he slapped the counter (which caused him to sway a bit), and said in all confidence, "I should go to her."

"Sir, you can barely stand. You _should _go home. Do you want me to call Alexis or Martha to drive you home?"

"I suppose you're right kid," Castle relented, "I'm not in any shape to do this now… But, Alexis is sleeping at a friend's place before she leaves for Costa Rica and Mother is _out _for the evening. I'll call a cab."

"Allow me sir. Let me get you a glass of water and just sit tight, I'll let you know when the taxi arrives. And sir, is there anyone else I can call for you? A friend or somebody so you're not alone?"

"Nah, kid, let me brood for tonight."

…

When Castle finally walked into the loft, he was more sober than he was planning to be tonight. Disgruntled a bit, he took some Aspirin, threw off his clothes, placed the ring on Kate's nightstand and went to bed.

Two hours later, still lying in bed and still mourning the day's events, Castle got out of bed to try and write to clear his head. However, between the act of putting on a robe and making it to his office, he tripped on a pair of ridiculously high heels and face planted onto the floor.

There, in the dark, on the floor, and staring at a pair of Beckett's shoes, he finally broke and let himself cry over everything he'd lost today, and everything he hoped he'd gain back like Joey's dog. And silently, he vowed to do everything in his power to get Beckett back and he hoped to Whomever was listening in the universe that it wouldn't take a whole month because he didn't want to spent another day without her let alone thirty.

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**A/N: Yes, I know, they're both handling this really badly, huh? But realistically, what are the odds that they handle it well?**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hello lovelies! I am ****_so sorry _****that this took forever! Life got a little too crazy for a while and well time just flew ridiculously fast.**

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By three in the morning, Kate still sat on the couch, but her thinking had changed from how things went wrong to how she could make things right.

Because night handed her the "how" answers. The answer lied in the very fact that Katherine Beckett, fearless in the face of the harshest criminals, lived in downright, unadulterated, paralyzing fear of relationship problems.

She should have told Rick about the job. About the interview. They should have talked about where they were headed and what she wanted for both her career and them. Most of all, though, Kate decided that she shouldn't have run and she most definitely shouldn't have attacked the motives behind his proposal.

She knew that Rick meant his proposal, meant every word and then some. And while she was being honest with herself, she admitted that she felt the same way back and being put on the spot terrified her to the point that she forgot her feelings and fell back on instinct.

She loved him. She needed him. And she needed to fix this.

Beckett knew the lateness of the hour, but she needed to hear his voice. Though, in no shape to go traipsing about the city at 3a.m., the reached for the phone in hopes that he still might be awake and still might not hate her enough to answer the phone.

When his cheery voicemail sounded instead of Castle's voice after only two rings, her heart dropped a little because Castle answered his phone for her – even in the middle of the night. Except she knew she messed things up this time in a potentially irreparable way, and maybe him ignoring her call testified to that.

She kept her message short, not wanting to betray the instability in her rough "I was just crying" voice, "Rick, hi, it's me. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have run. Can we talk? Call me, please?"

She hung up and stood to go to bed. Making sure her phone's volume was all the way up in case of his call, she placed it on the nightstand, curled up, and waited for sleep to take her.

…

In the morning, Kate tried calling again, but this time, it went straight to voicemail. She didn't leave a message this time, hung up, and called Lanie instead.

Lanie always managed to be her voice of wisdom, always knew what to do about guys, and somehow, always managed to be right, even though her own relationships were always less than perfect.

"Lanie, come over today, I'll make you lunch."

"Lunch? Honey, you don't need to bribe me for advice. But, it sure does help. 12:30?"

"12:30. Thanks Lanie."

It was already almost 11:00, so Kate went to the store to get some food because she literally had nothing at her apartment since they spent so little time there. The shopping, even if just for food, proved therapeutic. As she walked through the crowded food store, she focused on the people around her and their stories instead of her own troubles, and even though she learned this game from Castle, she wasn't really thinking too much about him for the first time in more than a day and merely grabbed her needed food items mindlessly.

It wasn't until after she checked out that realized she also purchased Lucky Charms, a bag of Twizzlers, and some Goldfish crackers out of pure habit for Castle. And all of the sudden, it hit her again, like those anvils that randomly fell out of the sky in old cartoons. Absently, as the tears began to fall again, she also wondered when she started just buying his favorite foods whether he was present to whine for them or not.

Once back in her apartment, she started cutting up vegetables while she waited for the pasta water to boil. Unlike the shopping, the slicing, dicing, chopping, and shredding didn't allow her mind to slip into easier thoughts. In fact, it fueled her frustrations with herself and her own stupidity with every stroke of her knife.

More than once, she thought about two nights ago, while she made dinner and Castle found her boarding pass to D.C.

Things seemed less complicated then. She had a plan then and none of it included fighting or proposals or running or crying. Naïve. She was naïve then and it seemed odd to think of herself as different just forty-eight hours ago. But, at the same time, she craved that romantic dinner they never had and the calm, adult talk she mentally planned.

Before Beckett could get too immersed in what almost was, though, Lanie arrived.

"Hey Lanie, I'm almost done, I'm just finishing up with the salad dressing. Thanks for coming by the way."

"You're making dressing? Girl, I'd of been fine with takeout and you know it. Now why am I really here? Did Castle take it badly that you want to take that job?"

Lanie, always one to make herself at home in Beckett's home (knowing each other for so long did that to best friends, after all), kicked off her shoes and sat on one of the stools at the kitchen breakfast bar.

"You… you could say that Lanie. Well no, he said he'd come with me, technically, I guess." Beckett couldn't really bring herself to look up, so she feigned intense interest on mixing and putting their Mandarin Chicken Pasta Salads together.

"Well that's great news honey! See, you were all worried about it and –"

"Lanie, no. He said he'd come with me… as my… _husband._ Okay, Lanie? He proposed. Castle proposed." Saying it out loud felt weird to Beckett, almost like a foreign language in the way that the words were so new on her tongue. _Proposed. _And Kate was more than positive that she'd never said the phrase "my husband" ever in her entire life.

"Oh."

"Oh?" Beckett didn't expect such a simple answer from Lanie, so upon hearing "oh," she finally looked up at her friend.

Lanie looked sad, that same kind of sad, sympathetic look that she had back when Lanie comforted her on the floor of her living room while Castle sat in a jail cell, falsely accused of an affair and murder. Lanie's expression made Kate wonder just how sad and pathetic she looked to warrant that face. Honestly, Kate didn't even say that she said no, but she supposed Lanie already surmised that.

"Honey, you know I want details later, but for right now, tell me why not?"

"Why not marry Castle?"

"Well you've been together for five years girl. You love him. You love him more than I've seen you love anybody, more than I think you've ever wanted to love anybody. I have a good feeling you don't want to do this because you don't want to get hurt down the road –"

"Lanie can you not?" Hearing how correct Lanie was gave Kate yet another stab of guilt and hurt for leaving Castle.

"No. Listen. I get that you're afraid of getting hurt, but Kate, look how much you're hurting because you said no."

Lanie had a point. She'd been a wreck for the last twenty-four hours and didn't see herself getting over the man anytime soon. But…

"Lanie, what if he proposed just because he thought that would be the only way I could take that job and we could still be together?"

"Hun, I think you know that's not true. Castle's immature ninety percent of the time, but he's a strong thinker one hundred percent of the time. Besides he's had two awful marriages. There's no way he would ask you without being sure? He loves you Kate, and he wouldn't ask you without meaning every word. Besides, didn't you want to know where you were going and how serious he is about your relationship? Because a proposal, girl, that's the ultimate sign of 'I'm serious about this.'"

And there, in her kitchen, mostly watching Lanie eat and talk because she felt too upset to enjoy any meal, she realized how absurd yelling and running really was. of course she felt bad about it last night and this morning, but now she felt guilty _and _stupid. Castle is a good man and she knew from four years of marriage jokes that he wouldn't enter into a third marriage all willy nilly. Clearly he'd meant it; she just wished she saw that yesterday.

"Lanie… even if you are right, it's too late. I yelled at him for having the wrong motives in all of this and he won't even take my calls anymore. I messed up, Lanie. I just… I'm already bad at being put on the spot and life-changing decisions and whatnot, and then the added stress about us fighting and then the job in D.C.. I really messed this one up and I'm not sure I can take back that no."

"Do you truly want to take it back?"

The truth was that one conversation with Lanie wasn't enough to calm all of Kate's fears of marriage, but it did clear up the fact that she absolutely didn't want to say no. But what could she say when she also wasn't ready to say yes?

"Yes. No. I don't know. I mean I want to take back the no, but I don't think I can say yes, so what can I do?"

"Tell him. Explain what's going on in your head. Go to him and tell him everything you're thinking and for once you two need to talk about it!"

"What if he doesn't want to? What if he won't see me? Won't talk to me?"

"Honey, I don't think that's going to happen. The guy is crazy about you. And you're crazy about him. End this nonsense and work it out, girl!"

Kate let out a long sigh. She knew that Lanie could help her figure out what to do, and she was always right, but serious talks with Castle never really happened and Kate definitely wasn't good at unknown territory. But, she knew she had to do it, so she started mentally planning potential conversations in her head so she could be more prepared.

Lanie and Kate finished their lunches in a comfortable silence and Lanie hugged Kate goodbye, wishing her good luck and wishing with all her heart that Beckett and Castle could just figure themselves out.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading!**


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